Life After Miscarriage: When Joy Is Interrupted

About the Life After Series

If you’re new here, Life After is a blog series featuring 15 women, 15 battles, and one powerful truth: there is life after. Through heartbreak, healing, and hard-won hope, Coach Jaleesa’s Happy Wife Happy Life is honored to help share their stories with the world.

Foreword by Coach Jaleesa

There are losses we carry with us forever. This story is about one of those.

It’s about a woman who went from the joy of a positive test to the heartbreak of unexpected loss. It's about the pain of having to grieve quietly while the world tells you to “just try again.”

But most of all, it’s about a faith that didn’t vanish in the dark—but slowly, gently found its way back to the light.

If you’ve ever walked through miscarriage or felt like your prayers went unanswered, this story will remind you: you’re not alone, and you’re not forgotten.

From Joy to Grief

I found out that I was pregnant on October 12, 2015. It definitely came as a surprise and a very unexpected one, if I may add. My husband and I had just gotten married that May and had always said we wanted to wait at least a year before even trying to conceive. Needless to say, I was very happy to be having a child with the man that I loved even if it wasn't in our planned timeline. We always dreamed of starting a family and passing down traditions and now our dreams were coming true.

I fell in love the moment I saw that positive sign. It was a feeling that I couldn’t explain! So much happiness and joy, it seemed to just be oozing out of me. It's crazy how those feelings of happiness and joy can so suddenly turn into sadness, disappointment and anger.

On October 29th, I started to notice some twinges. I called the nurses line and was told everything was normal. "You will be fine", they said. I decided to leave work early that day, went home, and kind of laid around praying that it was nothing. Early the next morning around 2:00 am, I woke up to sharp stabbing pains. When I fully woke up, I noticed that I was surrounded in a pool of blood. I ran to the bathroom and screamed to my husband that something wasn’t right and we had to leave ASAP. The car ride there was the longest ever. Neither of us spoke or even looked at one another. In my mind I think we both knew that I was miscarrying but we dare not say it. I completely lost it after I was taken back and realized how much blood I had lost. It totally hit me that I lost my precious angel. The first task given to a mother is to be able to carry and in my mind I felt as if I had completely failed. I went completely numb. I also felt as if I had failed my husband, he was trying so hard to be so strong but I knew deep down that he was hurting just as bad, if not worst. The next couple of days was the worst as I decided not to have surgery and to pass the pregnancy naturally, since I wasn’t too far along. I bled and bled and bled excessively and cramped for 5 days straight. Also every other day for two weeks I had to go to the hospital to give blood to make sure that my HCG levels were lowering like they should. This ordeal was the most traumatic ordeal that I have ever been through in my life.

Living Through the Loss

Life after a miscarriage has been tough. It's tough for any person no matter how far along you were. It's a piece of you that you lost that you know that you can never get back. I have heard so many say "Ooohhh you're young, you can just try again" or "you were not that far along so you should be over that by now". I will never be over this loss, it literally broke me in two. I started to question what had I done to deserve this. Was the Lord punishing me for something? You start to see your friends and family have babies and you question and doubt if God's promises are really true, if He has forgotten about you all together. You begin to get angry when you see people with kids who do not even want them, or who abuse and neglect them. You question God-- why would he allow them to produce and you take mine?

Clinging to Faith and Hope

I had begun to lose all hope and faith in God. I was crumbling and didn’t have the strength to pull myself out of this pit of depression, sadness, and anger. I am so blessed to have a strong God fearing husband and he was able to help me come to grips with some things. I am realizing that God works on his timing and not on ours and that he knows our very desires. He will never leave us even when we feel that he has. It has been a year and a half of trying after the miscarriage and nothing has happened. Have I wondered what's taking so long? If God is hearing my prayers? YES-- absolutely but I am believing God and putting all my trust in Him.