Life After Heartbreak: How I Lost My Marriage, My Home, and Almost Myself

Life After Heartbreak

How I Lost My Marriage, My Home, and Almost Myself

About the Life After Series

If you’re new here, Life After is a blog series featuring 15 women, 15 battles, and one powerful truth: there is life after. Through heartbreak, healing, and hard-won hope, Coach Jaleesa’s Happy Wife Happy Life is honored to help share their stories with the world.

Foreword by Coach Jaleesa

Some stories leave you speechless. Others leave you standing in awe—and this is one of them. When this guest post came across my desk, I knew it wasn’t just a testimony—it was a turning point wrapped in truth, pain, and undeniable strength.

She entrusted me with a piece of her journey—a story of heartbreak, betrayal, survival, and unwavering determination. For every woman who has ever questioned her worth after being left, lied to, or let down… this one’s for you.

The Beginning of the Relationship

"Let me get up". Sitting there on the couch at my sister's house, where it was a privilege for everyone to be, except me (we'll come back to that). Just another day on the block. The girls called and said to meet at the park. I'll take the long way; smoke this L by myself. Get to the top of the hill to see there were "visitors" in town. From the looks of them nothing to cut a rug for. The girls yelling, "come on man, we got something to tell you!". That was a lie, they wanted bud and knew I had it, but our new "friends" had some too, they wanted to match...why not!?!

The next few days were kind of a blur but out of the group, one, in particular, caught my eye. Seemingly quiet and offset from the others, we began the start of the end of us. We were from two separate worlds, him being from the country and me from the city, but I always told myself "I wanted something new". Three months in, I graduated from high school. Yes, I was underage doing all I mentioned previously, and more, but such is life. Life was blissful or so I thought. Dinner dates, affection, time, and sex...until three months later I woke up in the worst pain ever. I couldn't breathe I could barely stand. He got up and rushed me to the hospital. Not even considering the obvious (sex with no protection) when the doctor revealed I had a urinary tract infection, I laughed...and then she said "and you're pregnant!"

Flooded with every emotion thinkable, my baby's father reassured me he had my back. The scariest feat was telling my mother, dripping with disdain she says, "when will it be born?". I responded, "I'm due in May." She remarks, "After your 18th birthday!?! Wonderful, have a nice life!" Up until about the 8th month of pregnancy, life was great!!! Until I came home from a girls' day out, to the sight of my sister and my baby's father arguing. No one could give me any answers as to what was wrong or what happened other than he couldn't stay there anymore. That weekend he went "home" supposedly to return that Sunday evening. To my surprise, he didn't return, but I got a phone call saying I needed to go to the clinic because he had an STD. Keep in mind we weren't staying together anymore, I was 8 months pregnant, 346 lbs and we hadn't had sex in weeks. Naive, I went and got tested but I was clean.

Not completely understanding at the time (now that I'm older living blind to the fact) how could this be possible when we were together!?! In the first story, he was raped!!! A day later he was at a family member's house, got drunk, and an old flamed ignited. "I'm sorry it will never happen again."

Baby Showers, Motherhood, and Disappointment

It was time for the baby showers...all three of them!!! Life went on but things were different. He would disappear for hours at a time, come home late, or sometimes not at all!!! But still, I pressed on because if I did all I needed to (I thought) he would change. On May 5th, our first daughter was born. She was definitely something special, what people call "a good baby". She rarely ever cried and all would be well again with our little family, or so I thought.

One week after her birthday was Mother's Day, the day her father explained that he saw 'us' working better as just friends. But wait, months prior I told my sister I was moving to 'his' home. I didn't have a job, no money, and very little sense of the real world. My sister's house was practically packed because she said she was leaving too, but she only had enough room for her and her two children. I would have to make it the best way I could on my own. His parents took me and the baby in. When she was four weeks old I had to get a job. Dropping the baby weight, "he's going to regret it and come back"! That he definitely did, we moved from one county to the next. Further away from the women he'd been seeing so it was almost how it was before.

Although he had done it many times, one day (for the third time), out of the blue, he proposed. He's got it...he really does...he sees what this is and he wants his family...this time it could work...right??? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this was 6 months after he came home late one night with a dirty condom wrapped up in one of his daughter's clean pampers. The diaper was in the back pocket of his jeans, thrown on the floor because he was too drunk to hang them from the bedpost! Got to let the past stay in the past, right?

Anyway, the wedding date was set. I wanted Valentine's Day, he said it had to be a weekend, so I settled for February 11th. A little over nine months to plan, but I got it cause this is what I needed.

Marriage, a New Baby, and Early Cracks

A complete whirlwind, the next months, but everything was ordered, delivered, rehearsed, and prepared. Last rehearsal and the house was packed. I was exhausted so I slept in but I heard a phone ringing and hopped up. As quickly as I rose I hit the floor, out cold. Everyone was in a panic but his mother, who remarked, "someone get a pregnancy test!". Sure enough, baby number two was on the way. We got married, spent a week in Virginia Beach having sex, ordering out, watching TV, and spending money...then back to reality.

With a spreading family, we needed our own place. He bought us a house about 3 miles from his parents' home. I had our 2nd daughter on October 6th of that same year. The honeymoon phase is said to last pretty much the first year and year 2 and 3 are the hardest...that's a lie!!! I don't even think we made it to the youngest turning 6 months before we were off...and then on...and then off...and then on!!! He got into a fist fight altercation with the babysitter, who was a girl because she outed him about having our children around his mistress(es). But I had to keep going because he loved me..us...the girls...right?

One year on Memorial Day weekend, during one of our "off times", we were at a family cookout. It got a little out of hand and he along with his 'crew' had to be driven home because they were drunk. Halfway down the road, he began saying some of the nastiest vilest things a man could ever say to a woman...much less his wife. I spoke up, I had to, I couldn't take it but it did nothing but add fuel to the fire. Screaming hatred back and forth, f-bombs flying, and everything else in between, he tried to smack me while driving down the highway. I blocked it but punched him square in the face. We were battling but we were still going down the highway. I slowed down, he jumped out. The fellas got out too...all but one!

I called some friends and got a ride back to my car because I wanted to go home. Only to find him and the fellas sitting in my yard. I drove right on by. I called my momma, "I have $5, a quarter tank of gas, my two kids, and a diaper bag...". She said, "Come on. Call wherever you stop and I'm coming to get you." I fell asleep three times that I know of - floating down the median on Highway 58. Thank God I made it but that car never moved again!

Escape, Restraining Orders, and a Temporary Return

It was a holiday weekend so everything was either closing early or closed altogether. We literally had nothing, but family got us through. He cut off my phone and put a freeze on my card because we had a joint account. All because I wouldn't let him disrespect me...anymore. Tuesday came and I had to get some stuff, my mom offered to drive me and we had the kids. Halfway through Suffolk, we passed the children's father working on the road. I figured this would go easy...not even.

We get right outside of town and my mother turns to me and says, "I have a bad feeling...is there anywhere we can take the children? I don't think they should go with us." I called my best friend and her mother, they said it wouldn't be a problem. To the magistrates, I went. Got a restraining order just to have some protection, by the time we finished, we were in for a surprise. They had to find a judge to hear my case and that took a couple hours. Unbeknownst to us, our car had been identified and their father and his family were notified that we were in town.

After court we went straight to the house, it was time to go! I put the key in the lock to turn the knob, the top lock was locked. He was there waiting for me. He opened the door, we began to argue, my mother started dialing. Any and everything that belonged to me and the children was thrown downstairs in the dining room in a big pile. I didn't even know where to start, but I knew I didn't have much time. His mother arrived, our mothers argued, we argued, and almost came to blows but the police pulled up in the nick of time. The officer explained the order to him and we gathered our stuff and left, collected my children, and went down the road.

Needless to say, I came back...because love conquers all...right? Shortly after, I returned to my job at Wal-Mart but was informed my position no longer existed. So I could either take a pay cut or go overnight, I chose the night shift. About six months in, I got a weekend off and we decided to go to Atlantic City just to get away. We left the children with their grandparents, got movies, Chinese food, and headed home to cuddle. As I'm settling onto the couch, waiting for him to come downstairs, I get a text from an unknown number that read: you don't know me but I know you. I thought that you should know your husband's girlfriend is pregnant with his baby.

Being that she had just had an abortion supposedly by him 3 months prior, I figured it was someone with late information. I thought it was funny, so I decided to give him a laugh. Jokingly I say, "look what some slow person sent me!". Showing him the phone, he responded, "If she is, she can't be but three months." Now I'd be lying if I said I remembered the exact sequence of events that took place.

Separation, Foreclosure, and the Fight to Survive

"What do I do now? Why am I not enough? How will I get through? Why me...why?". Questions that ran through my mind often, matter of fact every day for a while afterward. He claimed it was an accident, he didn't want to lose his family again blah blah blah...but by the time his child turned 1, we were legally separated. Shortly after, we discussed the issues of our marital bills. He agreed to pay the mortgage if I took care of everything else, as we had since getting the house and I was fine with that. This went on for approximately a year, even with a custody order. We still couldn't work through issues collectively.

About the middle of 2014, I began seeing certified mail addressed to him from the bank who had our mortgage loan. Not immediately thinking anything of it, I shrugged it off but continued to put it to the side for him. Whenever he came to get the kids he would collect it. One day he dropped an opened envelope on the porch and I started to throw it away, but something said READ IT!!! The letter was stating that they had attempted to contact him concerning the delinquent balance for our mortgage and if they did not speak to him other resources would be considered. I was floored! I tried contacting the bank but was informed because my name was not on the paperwork they could not communicate with me without his consent. I called and asked him for access and he said no!!!

Like forreal...am I being punked? What else could go wrong? April of the same year I lost my car, hit a deer and a tree, and totally lost my 2005 Dodge Magnum. I was on short term disability from my employer at the time, what was I supposed to do?. I couldn't find anything to rent with what I was making. The months were steadily flying by, but I held onto my faith. The first week of September, the bank officials came to see the house and told us we needed to be out by October 1st. Being that that date fell in the middle of the week, I started preparing myself immediately. I purchased a storage space, packed everything I desired to keep with me, and took it to my sister's house.

Everything I couldn't take went to storage. Being that it was only my mother, children, and I, we couldn't move it all. Some students from SVCC heard a portion of what was going on and volunteered to help me move. Next was switching the children out of school. Yes, we had a custody order that we shared the week but they are girls and girls need their mother and I wasn't leaving without my children. It was the last weekend of September, my mother's birthday, and our last time staying in our home. I wrote him a letter explaining what I was doing, where I was going, and why this was happening.

Hitting Bottom and Finding Shelter

The first week was rough. I didn’t have any money but people were coming from everywhere helping us. My daughter had to wear uniforms at her new school. A lady bought her one for each day. In that letter, I explained to him that I would bring the children every Friday and he could have the entire weekend, which I did. He filed charges against me for breaking the custody order and informed me that he was coming to get the children and placing them back in their original schools. I kept on praying. I cried every day...but I prayed even harder.

Watching my children sleep on the floor, or walk into a school not knowing anyone, asking me, "momma what's going to happen next?" --and not being able to do anything about it was one of the toughest situations I've ever been in in my life...but God!

My ex definitely came and took them out of school and back to his home. I wrestled with what my next move would be. Should I let them stay? I couldn't provide for them the way they needed. Had I made the right decisions? All kinds of thoughts and questions kept me up tossing and turning...until I heard GO!!! The next day I packed my car with our clothing and personals. I had no clue as to where I was going to stay but I was 'going'!!!

We had a women's retreat at our church (back home) that Saturday afternoon and I figured since I was in town I might as well go to take up some time and maybe find somewhere to lay my head for the night. The program was beautiful, I even won a prize. However, as we were coming to a close, I got a voicemail from an unrecognized number at the time, saying, "call me, please". So I did! The voice on the other end was a friend of my mother's who was calling to inform me that a friend of hers had a trailer fully furnished with water and electricity and was willing to let me and the children stay there as long as I had them. When they went to their father, in the middle of the week, I was to return to my sister's. I had no problem with that, as long as we could be together it was fine. That first night we all cried...tears of joy. The court date wasn't too far off so we just had to maintain until then. The day had arrived!!!

Court, Closure, and a New Chapter

Throughout all of that, our divorce was finalized on March 26th and he remarried Oct 17th the same year. He refused to pay one cent of the children's insurance which the judge had ordered him to do in the first court order. The judge asked me why I broke the custody order, two sentences into my explanation he said he didn't need to hear anymore, charges dismissed. Then he asked their father why he had yet to make an insurance payment, his explanation didn't suit the judge's liking and he was found guilty and ordered to pay or serve time. I've been receiving $100 a month since then and should continue until the debt is settled.

Back and forth to court, I was looking for work but it seemed as if nothing would come through. So I took what I considered at the time a measly job just to have something and one after another opportunities began to come in. Got a full-time job working at a high school and a part time working at a dollar store. All while still with the 'measly' job as well.

The friend of a friend who was there in a desperate time of need respectfully remarked that it was time we moved on and I agreed. Stuck in somewhat the same situation yet again I didn't stop praying. I was informed that a lady I knew had several different properties and a few were already or would be quickly vacant. I gave her a call. What did I have to lose? We moved in July of 2016. With my three jobs, I paid for a drive-able automobile. Court was the next month, to see if their father had been consistent in his payments and he had. The judge then said, "Ma'am, the ball is in your court. What would you like for me to do at this point?" and I responded, "absolutely nothing!"

I walked out that courthouse leaving every hurt, scar, bad decision, mean word, and heartless deed right there on those steps, with my head held high...and the rest...is still unwritten.