Expectation vs Reality
I’m staring at you…you’re staring at me. The first to blink is the loser…my eyes are watering…I don’t know how much longer I can hold it. *Sigh* welp that was cool while it lasted but apparently clothes don’t blink in a staring contest and no matter how long I stare at them they won’t fold themselves. *shrugs*
I’m over here feeling like Tamela Mann, “truth is I’m tiiiiedd” lol and there is so much to do. And even in my tiredness I get some type of joy in having my husband come home to a clean house even if he doesn’t see all the details. Not to mention since the last time I wrote a blog I’ve gotten a full time job, moved into a new place, and officially moved to Jacksonville (I drove back and forth the first 2 months).
New city, new home, new husband, new job, new church, making new friends all while trying to keep up with Coach Jaleesa (whatever that is these days lol) and not neglecting those who have been there since day one. I’m trying to find my new normal…I haven’t succeeded yet.
Being a wife is hard work. You have to cook, clean, organize, be pretty, listen, submit, and give breathtaking sexual experiences. My husband is so gracious because one day this week I put on my bonnet, gave him a kiss, and was out like a light. I guess I said all that to say, sometimes you put expectations on yourself that no one else is putting on you.
Before we got married we talked about our expectations of each other. Here are a few:
- We will never go to bed mad (we’ve held true to this one)
- We will fight fair
- We will seek to understand the other person’s point of view even if we don’t understand or agree
- ….and the list goes on.
Somewhere in those expectations I added some things to my own plate…I expected a clean house every single day…no exceptions, especially since I didn’t work. That was the least I could do, I told myself. I expected to want to be in the mood every night…again, this is something I told myself. In reality, some times the thought of sex makes me want to go to sleep. Just the thought of exerting energy is tiring lol.
I blame the media!!! Television has you thinking that cooking everyday, sometimes in lingerie and heels, is normal. Made a sparkling clean house with no blemishes the norm. And how dare you eat out instead of cook when your man provides those groceries….yeah, right.
So this is what I found to be true in the first 2 months and 3 weeks of my marriage…IT’S OURS AND WE MAKE OUR OWN RULES. I somehow convinced myself that if I didn’t adhere to the expectations that I put on myself (that were never verbally communicated to my husband) that I would disappoint him or I wasn’t a good wife.
After I started working it became harder and harder to make sure he had breakfast, prepare his lunch with the little notes in them, make sure the house was perfect, etc. One day after working I was so tired after cooking one night that I didn’t wash the dishes (I never do this). I beat myself up so bad! It went from “Jaleesa you are so lazy” to “how do you expect to have kids if you can’t manage a household with just you and Brandon?”.
And that my friend was the enemy. Do you really think Brandon paid those dishes any mind…nope. And on those days when I don’t feel like being a porn star (too much?) don’t you know he’s ok with cuddling with me and hearing about my day.
So ladies (and my few gentlemen readers) the truth of the matter is I’ve never been a wife *gasp* shocker, right? And my husband has never been a husband…whatttttt? Lol and we’re learning what works for us together.
Today I’m going to fold clothes, go grocery shopping, help some friends move into their new house, then go look at some area rugs for our living room. And guess what…after all that grocery shopping I may still order take out…*shrugs*.
This is not a charge to not have expectations for yourself but don’t let your expectations ruin your reality. Give yourself a break and take this one day at a time…I know I will 😊
Until next time,