Divorced at 19

Virginia:
The age of consent is eighteen. With parental consent, parties can marry at age sixteen and under the age of sixteen may receive a license by reason of pregnancy or the birth of a child. Common law marriage is not recognized. (The VA law concerning marriage)

I was 15 when I got married. There was no white dress, no wedding planner, no matching bridesmaids’ dresses, not even a ring. I got married in a garage, on a Sunday, after church. As a matter of fact, there was no preacher to officiate this sacred union of holy matrimony.
The date was January 8, 2006 and I was scared but ready…or so I thought. My husband and I stayed married for about 2.5 years before I committed adultery with someone from my school. I mean he wasn’t mad because we were separated at the time anyway.

That first act of adultery wasn’t the last but I’ll spare you the details of my ways back then. Shortly before high school graduation, I was a victim of rape. The sad part about the whole situation was I knew the person. Out of fear that no one would believe me, I kept that to myself for years. My first attempt at celibacy was after that incident (and it lasted for 2.5 years) …that wouldn’t be my last attempt…. I’ll come back to this.





Chucking the Deuces: I'm Out

I didn’t end up getting a divorce until July 6, 2010. We didn’t go to court and it didn’t cost us a thing. I was a sophomore in college so I didn’t have money anyway. July 6, 2010 I watched a preaching sermon entitled “No More Sheets” by Juanita Bynum. That night deliverance took place. I got rid of every love letter from an ex (don’t even know why I still had them), every memory, anything that reminded me of my past sexual partners. I sent a Facebook message to all of them, the young man I had the one night stand with (don’t even know why we became fb friends…I was young lol), the young man who raped me, those I messed around with (FYI: oral sex is sex) and my consensual partners (I hope this isn’t too transparent). The letter read the same for them all:







Now granted, that was written by a 19- year-old and since then I got a little bit more revelation. Did I have to write them a letter? No. Did I have to give them an explanation of my new found revelation? No. Do I expect others to do the same? No.

Some of you are still reading…and a bit confused so let me make it plain (before people go around telling people that I was married at 15 lol). Every time you are sexually intimate with someone you marry them. One night stand…married. Bae…. married. Friends with benefits…married. Cut buddy…married. It’s complicated but we still do it…married. Baby daddy/baby mama…married. “What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained” …married.  Married…married…married…ok, I’m done.

Sex is “sealing the deal” in MARRIAGE …I got definitions…no worries.



So after sending a Facebook message does that mean that I never dealt with lust? Man, I wish…but nah. Sending that message was the first step for me.

I’m gonna speak to some of my sisters (and brothers) who have messed up after a long period of celibacy. So I had been celibate for 2.5 years after my incident. I met this young man who seemed to have pure intentions. We were getting to know each other, he was a minister so obviously he was a good guy *side eye*, we swapped testimonies, and started to hang out A LOT.

What I didn’t know then that I know now (I was about about 20) was that you don’t share your wholeeeeeeee testimony with someone of the opposite sex. Being honest, promiscuity, fornication, masturbation, and pornography was a large part of my testimony…too much? I didn’t give graphic details or anything but it was still too much to tell to someone of the opposite sex. He used my testimony against me to “push my buttons” and I let him…here I am again, “married” ….and after opening that part of myself again not even seeking a divorce. I struggled with this same man for a couple of years. He made me feel crazy! I was self-mutilating again (I sadly still have a scar to prove it), my self-esteem was nonexistent, and who was I supposed to talk to?

Finally, enough was enough. After a fist fight with him, I looked in the mirror and said, “Jaleesa, you are worth more than this”. I’ve had some hiccups since then, got caught up, backslid, left the church, even left God. I am not perfect and never acted like I was…I’m just a girl with a crazy past, who’s been married more times than I would care to admit, who serves a forgiving God. I share my story in hopes of others feeling like they can overcome too. Jesus died for ALL of that.

If you find yourself in a mess now. Stop calling yourself stupid for falling in it…just run honey. Run to Jesus, run to purity, seek accountability. There is never a time where I’m not at home and somebody does not know the details of my whereabouts (even right at this moment, as I sit in Fort Worth, Texas in the Barnes and Noble typing this blog). Some people feel like they have a case of the “I can’t help its”. Let me help you…THIS IS VERY TRANSPARENT SO THIS IS YOUR WARNING.
                                 
       

I Just Can’t Help It

I was molested at 6 years old. My first sexual experience took place before I even knew how to spell molest. Could you imagine going through that, not knowing what happened, not able to articulate it, thinking you are going to get in trouble, and holding that in for almost 15 years. Telling my family was probably one of the hardest things I have done to date.

 Because that portal was opened at such a young age, I watched porn more than I watched cartoons. I can honestly say I have been porn free for over 8 years…because it was a choice. 

Once you choose to stop letting things hold you down, they have no choice but to let you go. Is it easy? Noooooooo. Is it possible? Yep. I’m gonna close out by saying if you find yourself wrapped in sexual sin you can be set free…if you want to (Also read, “Sex and the Single Lady”).

Sorry it’s been so long between the tour, dance camp, and school. Sister girl is a little tired lol. HOPEFULLY, I can write again next week. And if so, the blog will be entitled, “I never thought I’d be the side chick”. Lol

Love yall! Comment below, on Facebook, or email me at coachjaleesa@gmail.com using Subject: Divorce Court

-Coach Jaleesa

Comments

  1. You have no idea what reading this just did for me... and I have been ready to move on past this and this was just the push and encouragement I needed. Funny cause I see u share ur blog posts all the time but I never opened one until today... God's timing is too perfect. I thank him for your transparency.

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  2. First off -----POWERFUL SISTAH GIRL!
    SECONDLY, I can't wait for the next Blog! I'm watching you and rooting you on from the sideline. God is awesome.

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. This will be an awesome book, stage play and movie! Thank you for your transparency. Proud of you!

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  5. Wow that really moved me and gave me a better insight of myself and well being. I love that DVD as well my mom plays it still to this day. You've informed as well as inspired me on so many levels. It baffles me that our paths haven't crossed yet. I'm a member of RCT in Fort Worth! Thanks for your testimony and inspiration God Bless

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  6. Divorce Court: This was a wonderful read for me, your story is amazing and it helps me with celibacy.

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  7. So very glad that I came across this posting. I have been celibate for a while now and my coworkers are constantly in my ear trying to make me think I'm just too mean and have too many expectations of the opposite sex. You see I too am a victim of incest by the hands of my uncle, at one point I was a fan of Porn and I have had my share of sexual partners. I have made up my mind I deserve better and that is what I am waiting on God to send me My Mate He has designed for Me. Love this and it was the Confirmation I needed that I am on the right road

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  8. So very glad that I came across this posting. I have been celibate for a while now and my coworkers are constantly in my ear trying to make me think I'm just too mean and have too many expectations of the opposite sex. You see I too am a victim of incest by the hands of my uncle, at one point I was a fan of Porn and I have had my share of sexual partners. I have made up my mind I deserve better and that is what I am waiting on God to send me My Mate He has designed for Me. Love this and it was the Confirmation I needed that I am on the right road

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  9. This is very powerful!!! Thank you for sharing this blog.

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  10. I can't begin to tell you how this touched me. It's confirmation that I'm going to survive the changes that I'm determined to make in my life. Thank you so much for being transparent!

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  11. AMAZING SIS!!!!!! THANKS FOR SHARING!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  12. Omg..This was so my story 18/19 years ago. I watched the Woman Thou Art Loosed back then and saw Juanita Bynum's night and was def changed. I felt almost the exact same way. It's so good to know that her message is still delivering today. Ladies please look it up, it will definitely bless you. This was great to read your story. Facebook didn't exist back during that time for us. That womans' message was so powerful it cut through some things. And your testimony is real bc i went through it and know what a difficult time that was. But God!!!!!

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  13. Praise God! Thank you for your testimony - Thank you for your courage and strength!

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  14. Praise God! Thank you for your testimony - Thank you for your courage and strength!

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  15. This was good! Thanks for sharing!

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  16. Your testimony is powerful. Your testimony will bless so many young ladies and women. Your story has blessed lil old me. To God be the glory for placing you to break some chains. Thanks for sharing����������

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