Life After Abuse and Divorce: When the Fairytale Fades

Life After Abuse and Divorce: When the Fairytale Fades

About the Life After Series

If you’re new here, Life After is a blog series featuring 15 women, 15 battles, and one powerful truth: there is life after. Through heartbreak, healing, and hard-won hope, Coach Jaleesa’s Happy Wife Happy Life is honored to help share their stories with the world.

Foreword by Coach Jaleesa: 

What do you do when your fairytale turns into a fight for your life?

This story is not just about divorce—it’s about devastation, resilience, and the relentless grace of God. It’s for every woman who held on longer than she should have, prayed harder than she thought possible, and tried to love someone who stopped loving her back.

It's for the ones who took their vows seriously. For the ones who didn’t walk away easily. For the ones who gave their all—and lost themselves in the process.

In this chapter of the Life After series, you’ll witness what happens when God meets a broken woman in her lowest place and teaches her how to breathe again, live again, and even love again… herself first.

If you’re wondering whether there’s life after the thing that shattered you—this is your reminder: yes, there is. And it’s more beautiful than you imagined.

When the Dream Begins

When you were a young girl, did you ever dream that one day a prince charming would come along, sweep you off your feet, you would fall madly in love, get married, live in a beautiful home with a white picket fence, have a nice career, a cute little family and together you would build your empire and make an impact in society? Well, I did. Perhaps I watched too many Disney cartoons, but I believed that those fairy-tales could become reality for me.

Dreams do come true. One day while minding my own business, prince charming saw me, came and swept me off my feet, we fell in love and were married after dating for two and a half years. I took my vows very seriously; for better or worse, for richer or poorer, to love and to cherish, to honor and obey, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I was in love and I was excited about doing life with my prince. He was ten years older than me and treated me like a Queen and knew how to spoil me. We didn’t have the white picket fence or a luxury vehicle but we had a home where there was love, peace, joy, and laughter. We respected, loved, and honored each other. It was so beautiful to be in love.

We were living, loving, learning, working, discovering, growing, making memories, setting goals, and watching God turn our dreams into reality. We enjoyed being in each other's presence. We couldn’t wait to get home from work so we could be together. His kiss made my heart skip a beat, the sound of his voice was music to my ear and his embrace, well I can’t find the words to express just how amazing it felt to be held in his arms. He made me feel safe, secure, carefree, and with no worries because he always handled things. With God on my side and prince charming by my side, life and love were all good and the future was looking so bright, I had to wear shades. Time was flying and the next thing I knew, we had been married eight years and things were about to change but not for the better.

When the Foundation Shakes

Change is exactly what happened! It was not the change I expected and I really did not see it coming. I’ve been told before that if you want to see how a person really is, then you need to see how they operate under pressure. Any marriage can be successful when you are working, bills are paid, the husband is acting right, the wife is doing well, the children are okay, no sickness, and everything is smooth sailing. However, when trouble comes, when life happens, when we are hit with the unexpected, oftentimes it can shake our very foundation. When it does, many can stand, then again, there are those, like in my case, who begin to crumble.

My husband got the news that the only job he had, the job that had sustained him for over 15 years, would be shutting their doors and he would have to find another job. He was very comfortable with his job and was not thrilled at all with being thrown out of his comfort zone. This transition in his life was not easy for him, he was buckling under all of the stress which worked on his emotions and caused him to be not so pleasant. He became angry, and of course, he took it out on me. I had a decent job and our home was paid for so I told him that I could handle things for a while. I was trying to assure him that we could make it and not to stress and that in time something would come through for him. However, he said I thought I was something because I made more than him. I tried to explain that it does not matter who brings home the biggest paycheck, we are one, it is ours, not mine!

It started out with fussing all of the time. All of sudden, nothing I did was ever good enough. If someone else complimented me, then he would find a negative comment to throw in. He wouldn’t buy oil to go in the tank. I said I have money to buy oil and would put oil in the tank. So then he would turn the thermostat off saying the light bill is going to be too high. I would turn it back on and we would just go back and forth. I understand that he was the man and wanted to pay the bills but I asked him to let me help while he was going through this challenge. We had DirecTV and the service had a pin number. When he left home, he would put the pin number in so I couldn’t watch DirecTV. It was a lot of little nagging stuff that was draining me emotionally. Yet, I continued trying to be a virtuous woman and a loving and faithful wife. As I told you, I was in this thing for life and I was up to the challenge believing that this too shall pass. Well, a year went by and his stress seemed to be escalating.

When Hope Fades

The ninth year came around and it wasn’t getting better. He was rude to my friends when they came over, so they stopped visiting. He was rude when my young god-daughter came over and she stopped spending the night. When my parents came from out of town, he was rude to them for no reason. He would also talk really negative about me to them. One time when my mother was coming to visit, I had to get her to stay somewhere else because he said he would kill her if she came on our property. It was tough but I kept holding on praying that this monster would disappear and the man I married would come back. It was so challenging wearing the mask, the smiley face. I had a heavy heart burdened with pain. Then something wonderful and unexpected happened and I just knew when we got the news, this would salvage our marriage.

Well, my husband had just got a job in January of our ninth year and in March of that same year, I found out I was pregnant! He didn’t really want children and I wanted kids but I wasn’t pressed. Yet this was very exciting news and he was actually excited. All of a sudden, he started being so loving and kind. He was waiting on me hand and foot. He was at my every beck and call. I was his princess again, my prince charming was back!! He was a little disappointed when he found out it was a girl but he got over it and was anticipating the birth of his very own child. She was born and just like that, prince charming disappeared and the monster came back. What? I don’t understand??? Yesterday was okay and a few days later, my world turns upside down again. Here we are with this beautiful little angel that God blessed us with and we have brought her in this home of unnecessary turmoil.

My question to him was why were you so nice during my pregnancy? He replied that he did not want any stress on the baby and I appreciated that but why are we going back to this love-hate relationship. I was working, he was working, although it was through temp, he had a good job, but yet he is still walking around angry. He didn’t want me putting a headband on the baby’s head. He didn’t want me to pierce her ears. He didn’t want certain people to hold her. He wouldn’t hold her much. He purchased her pampers and milk but if he got mad with me, he would take the pampers and milk. I had to get up in the middle of the night one time and go to my sister's and get milk and pampers because she babysat our child and we always kept a supply at her house. He also bought the baby’s medicine and she had an ear infection one time; I forgot her medicine and he would not walk across the yard and take it to her. My mom, who was in town visiting and staying next door, went over a town and got her some more medicine. Things just seemed to go from bad to worse.

I didn’t get pregnant to try to save the marriage but since it happened, I was praying that it would make things better. He just got really crazy when it came to the baby. He would fuss about me putting bows on her hair. He would complain about the frilly dresses I would dress her in that different people gave us. He became more and more verbally abusive and then he started threatening to hit me. One time he grabbed me by the neck while I was holding our child. Another time he threatened to hit me with a two by four. He would do things to our child to try to get back at me. Things were so stressful, emotional, and just getting worse and worse. This is not what I wanted. I wanted my marriage to work. I was willing to endure. I suggested to my husband that we go to counseling and that I would do anything to save our marriage. He didn’t know I was committed to the marriage and I would try to tough it out so he didn’t try to make any changes. I talked to his mother and his brother, but he didn’t want to hear what they had to say either. And not to mention the fact that there were lots of times he would sleep on the couch. So many times he would withhold sex and only come to sleep with me when he needed to satisfy his sex drive. I would do everything to remain appealing to my husband. I still treated him with love and respect. I still did what a wife should do but it appeared as if nothing was good enough. Yet, I was still, with the help of the Lord, trying to make it work.

One day, I decided to do some much-needed home improvement. I had asked him, but he would not do it nor get anyone else to do the work. It was a beautiful day and my sister and I was doing some work at the house, he came home and he was absolutely furious. I had never seen him like this. He didn’t do the work although he had purchased all of the supplies. This was his way of getting back at me. He looked at me and said I am going to get you! He started running after me. He was running like Forest Gump. I had no idea he could run so fast. I was running, fell to the ground and he stood over me with his fist drawn and I knew he was going to hit me. My sister walked out of her house with the phone in her hand and said she would call the police. She didn’t, she was just trying to scare him. However, I did because I was really afraid and I didn’t know what would happen if I didn’t and he came back to the house at a later time.

After this incident. I spoke with him and told him we could work it out. I asked him about counseling again. I loved my family. I loved him. He was a good person but he didn’t know how to handle stress. He let the stress handle him and turn him into someone that was so unlike him. Well, he listened to other people and wouldn’t come back. He made it seem as if I was the worst wife ever. He wouldn’t have anything to do with our child for a while, trying to get back at me. The man that once loved me, now hated me. The lips that once kissed me, now cursed me. The arms that once held me close, those same hands and arms that would hold me, were now raised to hit me and to block me from getting close.

When the Pain Pushes You Forward

How did something so beautiful become so ugly? How did something so warm and affectionate become so cold and heartless? Lord, I did not sign up for this!! This is not how my story is supposed to end!! Why me!? I tried to be the perfect wife. I was not perfect but I tried all I knew how to be the wife that your word talks about. So why am I going through this? Why am I left as a single mom to raise this child without her father in the household? We are supposed to be a family! Now what? What do I do? Where do I go from here? What’s next?

Well, I was devastated. For 10 1/2 years, I was married. I loved being married. I wanted to be married. I believed we could have worked it out but that is not what happened. Now life must go on. I was not happy. All of my siblings were still married. My closest friends were still married and here I am, the outcast. I felt like a failure. What kind of woman was I that I couldn’t even keep my husband? I was ashamed, sometimes walking with my head held down. My self-esteem and confidence hit rock bottom. I felt unattractive. In the last few years of my marriage and while going through my divorce, I no longer enjoyed doing some of the things that I used to do like acting, speaking, and writing. I lived to love and serve my family. I found joy in loving, cleaning, washing clothes, ironing work clothes, and all of the responsibilities and challenges of being a wife and mother. Now I am being stripped of doing that which gave me purpose and made me feel needed. To be honest, this divorce made me feel lifeless and useless. Do I pick up the pieces and move on or do I stay stuck in this place wishing that I still had what no longer exists? Is there life after divorce?

When the Light Breaks Through

Yes, there is life after divorce. I thought it was over, done, the end! I thought life stopped, the world would stand still and that I could not go on! I’ve always heard people say that if I don’t have anything else, as long as I have God/Jesus, then I have enough to start all over again. I know that to be true! It took time but God breathed life on these dry bones and I began to live again! The divorce didn’t come to kill me, it made me stronger. Now that I look back, I have no regrets. I had to go through that to get to this! It was necessary. It was part of molding and making me into the woman that I am today. God used that mess and gave me a message, he changed my test into a testimony! I made it! I survived! I can help somebody else who is going through. I have some great memories, I have a beautiful child and most importantly I got a crazy praise out of all of this.

Let me tell you how good God is and how he works. When you live for the Lord, when you love even when you are not loved, when you let your light shine, God will make your enemies your footstool. After all I went through with the divorce, my ex-husband came back and apologized for all that happened. He told me how he regretted what happened and asked for forgiveness. He told me he would never marry again because he would never find anyone to love him like I did. After all was said and done, we had a great relationship. He had no sisters but if he needed to know anything and even if he needed anything, he would call me. I helped him with resumes, personal business, etc. He had a beautiful relationship with our daughter and it’s like we became good friends. In the end, he knew he could depend on me. We had been divorced for 15 years when he passed away suddenly. He texted me the night before he died asking me to drive carefully because it was a storm that night. Guess who gave words of love and inspiration at his funeral, yep, I did. God has completely healed me and I am living life like it’s golden!